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... Main Page / Parents / Articles /"Talking to Tweens About Love, Sex and Relationships" By Amy Stephens

Parents are often afraid they will lose control once their child transitions from the tween years to adolescence. Even parents who have close relationships with their kids often have a fear of pandemonium taking over their household.

There are important themes you will want to discuss before the transition that will open the door for further conversations when your child hits her teen years. These are:

• the value of keeping our word
• abstinence
• strong self-concept to resist peer pressure
• dangers of alcohol, tobacco and drugs
• preparation for puberty
• hormones and body changes
• the importance of marriage
• where babies come from

Strive to stay connected to other parents of tweens as well as to your child. Close connection and communication are crucial for the tween years so you won’t seem like a stranger to your child when she becomes a teenager.

One day my son Nicholas asked me what it’s like to be a teenager. I told him that his voice would deepen and that he would have to shave — the ultimate cool. I also shared with him that there would be spiritual changes along with his body changes. He would need to own his faith and resist pressure from his peers to make unwise choices. Nick smiled and seemed satisfied with my answer.

We’ve talked about other issues since then — such as dating — and the discussions are kept short, upbeat and direct. The conversations take place naturally while packing the car for a trip or making a run to the ice cream parlor. Nick knows that exclusive relationships are off limits but mixed group activities are acceptable during high school.

The key here is that I connect with my son, assuring him that he will not be alone during the changes he will experience. I want him to know that I will be there to coach him during the adolescent years and that he can come to me for a truthful answer on an issue. Sometimes I may have to say, “I don’t have the full answer to your question. Let me research it, and I’ll get back to you.”

When we are honest about what we know and what we don’t know, our children tend to think we are giving them the “real deal” about life. They are less likely to feel that we are merely reciting something we learned from a book — even though we are desperately trying to get all the facts straight. Children recognize when parents make the effort to connect and communicate.

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